Social Outcast

Have you been a social outcast? I think I did, so far twice in my life. They all happened in school, unfortunately, a place that requires highly social level to survive.

There might be once in your life, you entered a new school, finding yourself in a totally unfamiliar environment, you feel like to blend in eagerly, and found there's a group of cool kids you can hang out with. This group of cool kids might have better fashion than others, might have better performance in studies or clubs, might have a better relationship with teachers. So you want to be one of them.

You listened to them carefully, trying to talk like them (even though they don't respond you), some of them could be pretty mean to you but some of them might try to be nice. You might regard those being nice to you as your best friends in school, but later, you found they are still so loyal to their group, being nice is simply part of their tender nature.

Slowly you felt like you got to know them, became friends with them, blended into their group. You're so happy. But wait a minute. Those who you regarded as your best friends, weren't necessarily regarding you as their best friends. They didn't even know where your hometown is, didn't have a clue you have birthday even!

So pathetic! you thought to yourslef, and blended out as your blended in, quietly. No body noticed. You are a social outcast.

Being a scoail outcast sucked up my energy, and made me deny myself. It's very bad for my health, mentally. So i came up with a conclusion that, by erasing the memories of that group of kids, i'll become a happier person. At least for now. Maybe one day when all the scars were gone, I'd like to see you guys again. You're not bad people, really, I just don't like the way that you made me hate myself.