Social Outcast

Have you been a social outcast? I think I did, so far twice in my life. They all happened in school, unfortunately, a place that requires highly social level to survive.

There might be once in your life, you entered a new school, finding yourself in a totally unfamiliar environment, you feel like to blend in eagerly, and found there's a group of cool kids you can hang out with. This group of cool kids might have better fashion than others, might have better performance in studies or clubs, might have a better relationship with teachers. So you want to be one of them.

You listened to them carefully, trying to talk like them (even though they don't respond you), some of them could be pretty mean to you but some of them might try to be nice. You might regard those being nice to you as your best friends in school, but later, you found they are still so loyal to their group, being nice is simply part of their tender nature.

Slowly you felt like you got to know them, became friends with them, blended into their group. You're so happy. But wait a minute. Those who you regarded as your best friends, weren't necessarily regarding you as their best friends. They didn't even know where your hometown is, didn't have a clue you have birthday even!

So pathetic! you thought to yourslef, and blended out as your blended in, quietly. No body noticed. You are a social outcast.

Being a scoail outcast sucked up my energy, and made me deny myself. It's very bad for my health, mentally. So i came up with a conclusion that, by erasing the memories of that group of kids, i'll become a happier person. At least for now. Maybe one day when all the scars were gone, I'd like to see you guys again. You're not bad people, really, I just don't like the way that you made me hate myself.

New Finding of Blogger

I haven't been writing or logging here for a while, and just couple days ago I found out Blogger made lots improvement on customization, which is a great deal to me since i'm too lazy to find out how to add customed codes to the template.
So, all of a sudden, I started to like this place again. There are much less people visiting me here (that means i could say more non-sense), I can upload bigger photos here (best resolution so far among the several blogs I have). The only disadvantage is that I haven't been writing in English for a while and is getting slower when writing.

This year I made a new year resolution of reading more books and started to read at least two books each month (romance not included, except English ones). Considering what my major is in college, my reading speed is incredibly slow (shame on me). But I am still trying, and I already see myself improving a bit.

Another new year resoution I made a promise of writing diary.that's rgiht, diary. journals that you wrote everyday, is called diary. And I am seriously doing it, although there are some days that I forgot to write or I was camping and forgot to bring a pen to the tent. It has been pretty good, i missed maybe less than 10 days so far. and i just switched to a new diary couple days ago.

Let's see how long i can keep it up. Gan ba de Lizzie!